That night in Christchurch at the end of that epic day I was seriously shaken. My children were tucked in bed. It hadn’t been easy hearing that my 9-year-old has had to pee in a bucket. The teacher gave him a lollipop when he used the bucket in the corner of the classroom with a makeshift blanket hanging for privacy in the lockdown. I found myself trawling through the social media posts, when I returned home, just trying to make sense of the experience.
So it is with the Artist’s Way (a course I am in the middle of), I responded. As darkness set in there was a stirring inside of me. Something new. I questioned it. Then surrendered. I went to the room which I use to create. A simple desk looks out over a part of my garden. It’s quiet. I didn’t turn on the lights. My husband would feed the boys. I unlock my sorrow and I write. In my darkened hideaway I pour all my heartache into the words of a song. My husband comes down to check on me. I feel self-conscious. I don’t really write songs. I perform other people’s songs, use their words. This is personal. I tell him I just need another hour or so. He leaves me alone.
All my instincts are urging me on, persistently telling me to continue. I text my friend and pianist David Sidwell that night. Someone I trust. I tell him I have written a song and ask would he do an arrangement for me. I text Jennifer Ward-Lealand to write the te reo for a verse. Later my friend Tānemahuta Gray contributes.
Then things really begin to flow faster…the arrangement is done, passed on to my Christchurch pianist Richard Marrett, the recording session is booked at Orange Studios. Cobham Intermediate School kids arrive in buses to record the song with me. My dear friends - singer Frankie Leota and videographer Tane Hipango fly in from Wellington. Eleven days after the Mosque shootings we are in the studio pouring all the aroha we have into our song.
I stood on stage with a 9-piece band and 2 gorgeous backing vocalists and sang my song ‘Release our Love.’ It’s the 3rd song I have ever written in my life. I felt so much gratitude and a sense of release as I gave all I had to the studio audience and the TV cameras. It wasn’t about me, it was about a message that I feel passionate about, the people who collaborated with me and the power of aroha.
Am I a naïve, white, privileged New Zealander who has not had to suffer because of an accent, skin colour, religion? Yes. I try live my life to be kind and compassionate. I am not a surgeon, an emergency nurse, a first responder, a policewoman. I wish I was in times like these so I could assist those in need. The part that I can play is to direct proceeds to where they need to go right now - the Victim Support Givealittle page.
"Let’s stand together
Unite as one
Hands held together
Releasing love
Open hearts make a better world
This is what we must all do now
Open eyes to what our neighbours see
Is the path we must all take now
We’re Aotearoa, we’re gonna make a change"
You can listen to full the song here: https://aliharper.bandcamp.com/releases
‘Release Our Love’ will be next featured at the KIA KAHA Concert in Christchurch on Saturday 4th May, as well as on Ali’s show Legendary Divas on Saturday 27th April at The Court Theatre, with the proceeds going to the first responders St John Ambulance.