Last week, I walked into a pharmacy to pick up my HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) patches and then, once inside - I forgot why I was there. 

I walked out scratching my head and drove home without the patches, the very thing that would help me remember things. I’d tell you more stories about brain fog - but I can’t remember.

I’ll happily bust shame when it comes to most aspects of existing in a woman's body but the big M — not masturbation, I’ll happily write about that — but menopause, I have been quiet about it publicly. 

It could be the ageist society we live in. Or my initial confusion as my doctor kept telling me I wasn’t in perimenopause when I was. Or that my mother or grandmothers never talked about it.

Whatever the reason, hello, my name is Angela and I’m going through it.

 We make jokes about menopause to try and ease it – raging insomnia anyone? Sawdust in your vag? Giant fans in your face all day – but menopause / te ruahinetanga is temporary. 

It’s a time of change - and as creatives know - change is a good thing as it takes us to new places. 

And once over - then step right up, you fabulous witches and bitches because you will give less fucks. It’s also a time for giving back, for leadership, creativity, and caring less about the fine opinions of others.

To delve deeper, I spoke to three remarkable creative women: Niki Bezzant, Michele A'Court, and Penny Ashton.

It’s not always awful but expect something

Niki Bezzant, writer, editor, and author of This Changes Everything has been called a ‘menopause ambassador’ - not something she thought she would become - but since writing her excellent book, she’s been asked to speak to organisations all over the motu about this time of change. 

Bezzant has experienced brain fog and recently forgot David Bowie’s name - which makes me feel better about the pharmacy moment.  

She says it’s important to remember that, like menstruation or birthing, everyone’s experience will be different. There are potentially 42 symptoms women, non-binary or intersex folk, and transmen may face. 

“A lot struggle. I do a lot in workplaces to help start the conversation so we can have some empathy but it’s not an illness, it’s not an impairment, it’s not a disease - it’s a transition. It can be turbulent, just like puberty, and at different stages people need different types of support.”

But it’s not awful for everyone. 

Comedian, author, and all-round badass advocate for all things women, Michele A'Court ONZM says she had a cushy time. 

“Menopause was easy, it was menstruating that was hard, debilitating, made life hell and work impossible for a couple of days a month until I had my uterus and one ovary removed when I was 41. 

"I didn't go through menopause until my early 50s and it was a fucking breeze! The women in my family all had a dreadful time with periods and a joyous time with menopause. For some of us, it is Mother Nature's trade-off!”

Bezzant says there isn’t any pattern or data we can rely on like ‘hard period, easy menopause’ or the other way around — women’s health, in general, isn’t well researched — but she does say “one in five women have an easy time with the transition”. 

Don’t be Gooped 

Penny Ashton - comedian, actor, writer, and theatre producer - created the funny, insightful podcast Showy Ovaries to talk about the untalked about. She has interviewed many including Jennifer Ward-Lealand, Robyn Malcolm, Miriama Kamo, Ali Mau, Pinky Agnew, and Anjum Rahman.

She says it’s important, especially for those in the art and creative industries - where you’re less likely to have workplaces running workshops or implementing menopause policies - to do your own research. 

“Look into it. Don’t take an uninformed GPs advice. Don’t get your information from Goop or Be Pure either, get it from medical sources [the Vajenda by Dr Jen Gunter is good]." 

The biggest thing for Ashton is knowing about mental impairments as menopause increases vulnerability to depression and anxiety. When she interviewed Sarah Connor in the podcast, she told Ashton she thought she was going insane. 

Ashton remarks “Throughout the centuries women in their 50s have been committed - they thought they were going crazy." 

I can relate. Before going on HRT, I was on a hormonal emotional rollercoaster, wondering what was happening to my personality and brain. One morning, I cried for three hours straight about the climate crisis. I was in a communal office and I could not stop the shoulder shuddering. Maybe if we all cried about the planet we might actually save it but I was getting the side eye… ‘it’s been two and a half hours, surely there are no more tears in there.’ 

I bought creams and potions and lotions, yet nothing worked. Before forking out any money on menopause wellness products make sure you fact-check with Dr Jen, like this new one Drew Barrymore has started spruiking.

Ashton says we need to get the word out there to women from all walks of life and different cultures, to know they can look into menopause themselves, or draw on their own cultural wisdom.  

Menopause - with a side helping of ageism 

It’s fine to wave arms and shout about wisdom and how we should celebrate it but, we do exist in an ageist society. 

Women in their 50s, in particular, can find it harder to get jobs if they resign, quit or are made redundant. One in twelve women resign from their jobs during menopause due to symptoms. 

The menopausal workforce demographic is one of the fastest growing in Aotearoa with over 400,000 people at this stage in paid employment.  A new toolkit was launched for organisations recently by Gender At Work — where Bezzant spoke in her role as Menopause Ambassador — because helping people through this time can lead to more women being retained in leadership roles, and contributes to reducing gender pay gaps. 

Bezzant - whose latest book The Everything Guide looks at reframing and embracing ageing for women - says certain workplaces are worse than others. 

“Some industries are youth orientated - advertising and creative industries may not see that many older women in senior positions are role models.” 

She says that changing the narrative is about understanding that women in their 40s, 50s and older “have got a ton of knowledge and experience and a lot to offer. And they are not old. They don’t feel old. The millennials, who are now entering perimenopause, are going to live to 100 and expect to be contributing at senior levels for a long time. It’s reframing ageing and embracing it for everyone.”  

When you’re freelance, and working with younger people, you don’t want to be cast out as irrelevant. Old. Past it. 

Menopause plonks you right into middle age, but I wouldn’t want to be a day younger. It’s just that culturally with our Western, patriarchal, colonial attitudes - we don’t value this time of life.

Ashton has worked for herself for a long time and is part of the gig economy. She declares you have to back yourself - “I refuse to be invisible because I hire myself" - and that it’s important to give space to others going through it, so they can come back. 

Change can be a time of creativity 

Once through menopause / te ruahinetanga, not only do women give less fucks, they also have a lot to give. Plus new growth always comes after change. It can be a time of creativity. 

Bezzant notes we can feel a bit lost in midlife and during the menopause transition, but if we put some time into rediscovering ourselves or finding out who we are after the change then “that can mean more possibilities and creative opportunities open up that we didn’t see before because we were bogged down with expectations of other people, and what we thought we should be doing. 

"It’s an opportunity to think about what you really want.” 

Ashton is all about kicking shame in the shins. 

"Put things in your practice that take care of you, and be out and proud about it. Don’t let it daunt you - I don’t know what it’s like to be wracked with hot flushes, I’ve never had one, and it must be hard if you’re in the middle of a performance, but learn everything so you know what’s happening. Jackie Clark puts giant industrial fans into her shows. 

"Don’t be ashamed of your body and what it’s doing, as it’s a powerful vehicle that ensures the planet continues (even though people are trying to make it stop). Don’t have shame in natural bodily processes.”   

Women weren’t always ashamed about this time 

There’s a lot of wisdom we can take in from te ao Māori in general - and particularly on this topic. 

The late Dr Rose Pere (Tūhoe, Ngāti Ruapani and Ngāti Kahungunu) said in Mana Wāhine Volume I, ‘We had intergenerational teaching and learning in my family, so that my tribal brothers knew all about menstruation, and I knew everything about their development.’ 

Early missionaries soon put a blanket of hushed silence across all aspects of women's cycles. Instead of being a celebrated time, menses became shameful. Instead of being sacred, it became dirty and unclean. Women stopped talking about the cycles of their body across generations and genders including te ruahinetanga / menopause, but it’s helpful to know it did exist not long ago.  

Bezzant agrees. "We can learn a lot from te ao Māori. You transition from a child into a reproductive woman and that traditionally was a celebration, it wasn’t hidden - neither was menstruation. 

"Then you transition out of that reproductive stage and into your senior role,  where wāhine are viewed as powerful. They have mana and special jobs. The transition is not the ending of anything, it’s moving to another stage and each has its own power."