"So there I was at the party / And everybody seemed to be so well rehearsed / Come the time to play my part I tried / But I couldn't find the page / I stumbled through the scene / And out the door onto the street / And off the stage / Now I'm thinking of Marcel Marceau / Marcel why is it so? / In the problematic art of conversation."
- Leonardo's Bride

We've all had it — the conversation where one person goes on and on and on and you lose the will to live.  You try to get a word in edgeways but they talk louder, or they let you say three words, say, "Yes but..." and carry on with their tirade.

Maybe you are recognising you do this. Don't feel too bad — it's quite common. But know that it's not "conversing" — dominating airtime in a conversation is "addressing".

Addressing is ok, but you need an audience and to be given the role of "speaker" for it to be ok.

Here are what I believe to be the three golden rules of conversing. Feel free to interrupt the next addresser you find yourself thinking unspeakable things about and suggest they commit to them. If you're that addresser, try them on for size!

Philip Patston's three golden rules of conversation (and a bonus tip)

1. All parties to a conversation get to speak a maximum of 20-30 words (or for 30-60 seconds, which ever is shorter) each. If you speak slowly, learn to be laconic.

2. After your turn, pause for at least five seconds. Silence is golden and the world won't end. Pausing allows others to think about what you've said and gives time for someone else to have a turn, either to respond or give their own opinion.

3. Wait until everyone who wants to has had a go before you have another turn.

BONUS TIP:

To be a great conversationalist, if you're going first, ask a question (preferably an open one*). In any conversation, make every third or fourth thing you say an open question.

* An open question starts with What, When, Where, How or Why. Litmus test: If a question can be answered just by saying "Yes" or "No" it's closed, not open. Caution: Questions starting with Why are risky as they can result in "I don't know." Use sparingly.

• Courtesy of diversitynz.com

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.