Professional life designer Sian Jaquet explores the summer Generator question 'I have lots of ideas & heaps happening in my life; how can I manage that better?'

Sian says a great place to start is to own your headspace - find and destroy 'self-sabotaging behaviour’ and put yourself first!

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When I trained to be a coach one of the most important things I learnt was to ask clients for their permission. I presumed it was about being polite, now after eight years of working with creatives from all over the world, I realise it’s about clarifying boundaries and responsibilities.

So I’m now asking your permission to give you a gentle kick up the bum. My guess is if you’re reading this it’s because you know at some level there needs to be a change in how you make choices in your life. The results of ignoring your own needs for peace will undoubtedly result in creating that very popular malady of the 21st century....STRESS!

Here are some direct quotes from creative’s just like you!

Headache: “I’m beginning to get on my own nerves; it’s that irritating voice in my head telling me, I SHOULD BE....., I SHOULD HAVE....I don’t have the talent.”

Headache: “My head literally hurts trying to hold onto all the things I have to do, all the ideas that come into my head. It’s all the other stuff that seems to get in the way, you know life stuff. I just can’t make headspace for me.”

If this sounds like you, take some comfort... you’re not going mad - most of us think and feel like this at some point. It’s when those thoughts are there first thing in the morning and last thing at night, when you can almost physically feel stress strangling your goals and dreams, that it’s time to take a step back and question...do I really want to live like this?

The bottom line is you’re not prioritising YOURSELF.

Now tell me something I don’t know I hear you say......”How do I learn to make myself important enough?” “It’s some mental space I think I need, so I can focus on how I’m going to achieve and succeed in my life.”

If you recognise yourself in these quotes, read on! This is a journey. We hope you find insights and take time to reflect until you safely arrive at your destination that ironically looks and feels like you are moving forward.

Headache No. 1

“I’m beginning to get on my own nerves; it’s that irritating voice in my head telling me, I SHOULD BE....., I SHOULD HAVE....I don’t have the talent.”

We all need space in our minds to give our own particular brand of creativity some room to develop. When negative self talk constantly invades our thinking and leaves us depleted of energy and frustrated it makes free flowing creativity seem almost impossible. It’s time to go gremlin hunting. 

The voice of my very own pet gremlin is a verbosely chattering. He’s undermining and freely gives his version of negativity about every effort I make in my life and career 24/7. I know I’m losing the plot when I actually start listening. I’ve even been known to try and defend and rationalise my thought and actions to said Gremlin.

ME “I can act, I went to a world renowned acting school”

GREMLIN “Whatever, that was 25 years ago you’re a fat middle aged mother of three teenagers now”

All I want is some quiet time in my head to think! Why won’t it stop, that voice, the one that keeps telling you ...............I’m stupid to even consider I could do that...it’s too risky....I can’t do that all on my own......they won’t like it......I should be better before I even try.......and the script goes on and on like a looped tape.

This is what I call our self-sabotaging behaviour, and most creative people have gremlins with the eloquence and stage presence of Sir Laurence Olivier.

Your gremlin isn’t actually there to sabotage you, they think they’re saving us from doing stupid things we have done in the past or are reiterating beliefs other people have imposed on us. "No one makes a living from writing it’s too risky"...."Being a Creative won’t pay the bills darling".."You will need to be very brave to do that with your life, it’s so unpredictable".

This is a fundamental issue you need to learn how to address if, like most of us, you’re a master at self-sabotage.

Headache No. 2

“My head literally hurts trying to hold onto all the things I have to do, all the ideas that come into my head. It’s all the other stuff that seems to get in the way, you know life stuff. I just can’t make headspace for me.”

The first thing to do is to put the fires out, take action where it’s needed most!

When your head literally hurts trying to meet your creative needs, personal responsibilities and those of the world around you, the decision-making and confidence required to make good choices can start going a little wonky.

If we are honest with ourselves, we know when our head is full of stuff and our perspective is blurred.  Everything and everyone around us can, if we choose to think this way, be blamed for our lack of perspective and self management.

Just how important are you? Important enough to make a commitment now to doing something that will open a door to exactly what it is you need to change if you truly and honestly want that headspace you’re asking for.

Let’s do something NOW! ...just pick up a pen and scribble quickly, just how and onto whom do you dump your frustration and lack of perspective on? Make a list of at least five honest insights into you! [That was the gentle kick up the bum, in case you didn’t clock it.]

Ok, the list you just wrote is very real and logical to YOU, it’s all your truth. But what if the very things you wrote in your list, the pressures that from your perspective are creating this pain in your head, aren’t quite as real as you choose to believe? What if, on some level you are choosing to fill your head with all this STUFF?

Can I suggest you’re creating your own excuse for not achieving or succeeding. I know this is a little confronting, but to be fair to me, I did ask permission.

Where's the Fire?

I once worked with an amazing creative woman who was a little unhappy with her life. Great kids, partner, but she wanted something for herself, a little of her own life back.

In the centre of her living room a huge sofa was piled high with washing.  She was adamant that she couldn’t find time for herself because there was SO MUCH TO DO!

After working with her we found that the washing was like a physical representation in her life of the stress/stuff in her head, her need to be a good mum, partner, house keeper etc.

Once we found an exercise to tidy up the STUFF in her head and challenge her perspective she was able to get out of the house and do her thing! Within weeks she had a part time job in fashion, her passion, and yes....the sofa got cleared!

My client had been what I affectionately call, Catastrophizing [don’t you just love that word]

This is when you can’t think straight and the very thought of trying to sort it out in your head becomes so real you can evidence it in your daily life [the sofa!]

Catastrophising your daily life has the added burden of stealing your energy both physically and emotionally. Making it even harder for you to find the head space and peace you so want/need.

Good news, it’s possible to manage this kind of stress in your life, the challenge is prioritising the time and focus needed to make the changes.

When all the issues in our lives are knotted together it’s virtually impossible to see any way out or forward. This exercise will give you a process to take away that pressure so you can start to feel back in control of your daily life.

Success Everyday

There is work to do before you get to your destination...bet your ass there is. But today you have taken the first step in seeing......and seeing is believing ....believing in YOU!

One place to start could be every night as you clean your teeth identify three things you are pleased and proud you achieved today, from creating a masterpiece to watching children laugh.

You will lay your head on your pillow thinking positively about yourself.....amazing how this aids restful sleep!

A New Year and a New Plan

Given that this Generator topic is coming out in December to see you through into the New Year, it’s not by accident I have included this big picture exercise. It’s the most powerful exercise I do with my clients....especially creatives.

This is your playground and sandpit! Use your innate skills and talents to create your own life map.

I invite you to make yourself important enough take responsibility for yourself in 2011...go do what you do best...be creative!

The New Year can offer some significant challenges emotionally when you come to review your achievements this year. Especially when you know in your heart not a hell of a lot has changed for you in the last 12 months.

I have no idea who wrote this but it’s up on my wall in bold black letters:

“TO GET SOMETHING YOU NEVER HAD, YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING YOU NEVER DID!”

Happy Holidays and go own your space in 2011!

Love Sian x

Recommended Christmas gifts for yourself

Taming your gremlin: by Rick Carson.
The Artists way: by Julia Cameron.