Who decided obstacles and knockbacks are a bad thing?  Who decided when the resistance is too great, giving up is an option?  Creative development coach Lorraine Blackley suggests we have got it horribly wrong.

"The difficulties we face on our path to achieve our goals are the vital ingredients that support our ultimate success."

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If we look to mythology, which tells the stories of human characters and endeavours, we find the phenomena of ‘The Hero’s Journey’ as coined by mythologist Joseph Campbell.  Within every myth the hero hears a call to adventure.  He responds to the call and steps out, leaving the safety of home.  Although the hero expects to move directly to their goal, this never happens.  Instead they encounter obstacles. 

There are always those that give up at this point and return to the safety of home.   Not everyone wants to fight a three-headed monster.  We all know people who are stuck in their lives and afraid of stepping out of their comfort zone.  No doubt we have all been in those places ourselves.  But if we stop when we reach knockbacks, we miss the opportunity to develop the very knowledge and skill required to ultimately succeed in achieving the object of the adventure.  

The hero shakes in their boots and yet faces their fear.  They don’t know if they will live or die but somewhere in the engagement with the obstacle they gain something that takes them to a whole new level.  They may have an experience of their own power and strength.  They may discover that their fear was an illusion held in place by their own beliefs about themselves and the world.  They may experience a support beyond themselves that is always there for those who have a real conviction and commitment for what they are going for.  

Fear is a state of mind

Obstacles in life can be a reflection of our fears.  FEAR is sometimes referred to as False Evidence Appearing Real.  The false evidence is something that comes into being subtly, through the process of social conditioning.   This then plays out in the beliefs that we hold about how life is and isn’t and what we are capable of or not.  Our fear is often because we are convinced the outcome we don’t want is the most likely one to occur, when this is not necessarily the case.  

Engaging with the obstacle will most often cause a shift in perception when the hero glimpses the illusion of their fear.  Never again will they be put off in this way.  They have gained valuable awareness to ultimately succeed in achieving what they are after.

Obstacles develop capacity

I know every time I engage with obstacles in my life I gain a greater confidence in my ability. I also realise I do not have all the answers but once I commit and move towards what I want, unexpected solutions appear and carry me through.  

In mythology we find stories that abound with heroes who have a compelling mission, obstacle after obstacle to overcome, constant distractions from their quest and the need to get back on track.  As a consequence of moving through the obstacles they develop wisdom, strength and character.  They also develop stamina, capacity and the ability to spot and resist the distractions no matter what guise these distractions show up in.  Is this not reflective of the human story?  

Lessons in mythology for us mortals

1.     Develop a strong desire for what you are going for.  Just like Odysseus and his resolve to overcome the challenges and distractions to return home to his wife.   Without a similar resolve you will give up when the going gets tough.

2.    Encountering the obstacles, going through your fear, picking yourself up after the set-backs and keeping going is all part of the journey.   This is the territory where your knowledge, skills and stamina are developed to the level required to achieve what you are after.

3.    Those who never give up will eventually achieve what they are after.

A choice - to give up...or not

According to Martin Seligman, (who studied the phenomena of giving up for 20 years) in any group of people there will be two thirds who give up easily when presented with persistent difficulty.  One third will persist in the face of the same persistent difficulty.  

No surprises – it is this one third of people who are the ones that succeed at whatever it is they are after.  They succeed in education, careers, business, personal goals, relationships and whatever their call to adventure is.   Many creatively talented people find themselves in the two third grouping who give up easily.  This is due to heightened sensitivity, a melancholic personality or tendency to suffer from low grade depression.  Martin Seligman refers to the one third as optimists and the two thirds as pessimists.

Now the good news is that if you feel you are in the pessimists grouping, which I did myself when I first came across this information, you can move yourself along the line to become part of the optimists.  You do this by teaching yourself to keep going in the face of persistent difficulty.

Turning the tide on such patterns usually requires some outside support in the beginning, so don’t be afraid to seek some coaching or mentoring help.

Pointers for getting back on track

Here are some tips that have helped me to make my shift from giving up easily to persisting until I achieve what I am after.

1.     I only go for what excites and interests me.  I still give up easily if what I’m going for does not engage me.

2.     If I find my fear and resistance is too great, I break what I’m going for into small steps and I simply look at taking the next small step.  If I look at the whole big task I get overwhelmed.

3.     When I am up against resistance I will often get a piece of paper and write out all the fears and anxieties I have in my mind.  This gets all the angst out of me.  I then find it much easier to get on with things.

4.     When I find the external barriers are presenting hard and fast I step back and focus on the outcome I want, seeing myself already there.  This is often enough to change the landscape to something more favourable.  Stepping back may bring insights and another way through might present.

5.     Find allies and people who can support.

6.     Stay in action, any action will add to the momentum.  Even a wrong action brings information that can help you get back on track.  Sitting on the sofa waiting for change only brings more sitting on the sofa.

7.     I never get fixed on HOW I am going to achieve what I want.  Often I find myself on a detour that I would never have envisioned and yet it turns out to be the perfect solution.

8.    Take the direction of your own inner knowing above any advice that others may offer.

I never give up.  Unless I decide it is no longer important to me.  I might take a break.  I might reassess.  I might formulate new strategies.  But I never give up.

* * * The Next Step * * *

No matter how long you have been off track you can always get back on.  All it takes is a shift in focus.  It doesn’t matter how long it takes or what others say, this is your adventure. 

If it is important, keep going.  The more challenging you find what you are going for, the more you will gain from the process of attaining it.