Mediocrity. The very word you hoped you'd never become is now, says Ande Schurr, the only hope you have to achieve your goals. In his first article of 2013, Ande explains why our emphasis on being a 'super-star' is killing our dreams and preventing us from making real progress.

* * *

We are told to dream. And we do. To be a great filmmaker, artist, entrepreneur.

We are told to have big hairy audacious goals. And we do. Make 10 million before you turn 30. Change the way society thinks on an issue. Win an Oscar for best actor.

How can you fault these goals? They are great, aspirational goals worthy of serious perusal!

But how many achieve those goals? How many slave away at their dream, following the advice of others 'if you follow what you love, the money will come". Has the money come yet?

I have accepted something about myself that has helped me establish a strong business, no debts and a home mortgage paid off in three years. That something is my mediocrity.

By seeing that I don't have any incredible, amazing, awesome gifts and talents, but rather just a few solid skills that are nothing to crow about, yet helpful in their own way, I have stayed away from false dreams, shaky schemes, wild imaginations that would have done nothing but empty my purse and waste my time.

One's natural instinct in reading this might be to feel sorry or angry that I have sold out on that side of a human that is the source of so much joy and emotion. Allow me then to clarify one thing. I have not lost my imagination or desire for a great life, no, I have simply eliminated, or reduced, my dependence on the illusion that I am a superstar.

Some people are natural encourager's. Some mothers, friends, teachers will ever so generously lift you up and praise your abilities. This is not to knock genuine encouragement, but when it's not objective, then what can happen is that a false sense of amazing-ness is created within the child and what happens is that they keep harbouring the dream that they might be world famous.

Everyone wants to be on TV. Everyone wants to be world famous or a celebrity. What about just doing a good job at your day job and seeking and attracting so much business, and working so many hours, and duplicating yourself, so to speak, so that you can do the work of 2-3 people, that you make a small fortune and achieve in far less time the thing that these superhero-wannabe people never achieve. They are chasing a carrot at the end of a stick that never stops for them. Only so many people can be world famous. If everyone was world-famous then no-one would be!

What I am suggesting therefore is an approach that says 'accept that you are mediocre with potential to improve' and give up your ‘I am a superstar’ mentality, and now find ways to dream realistically and work based on the skills you do have.

Working to the lowest common denominator is a valuable strategy used in mathematics to reduce or simplify a formula. It's also used socially. One successful executive who has won Oscar-equivalent awards in her field, and is viewed in awe by her peers, told me that drinking booze is the great leveler; whether you're meeting clients or subordinates, you all feel comfortable because you're all drinking and you share that in common - it takes the focus away from being different from each other; in age, in experience, in achievements.

When applied to personal-development however, it works in quite the contrary way.

Those who wish to become more than they currently are, that is, those who can see their limitations both emotionally/intellectually and desire to mature in the fullest sense of the word, must seek out a person who is not limited in these ways; someone whose heart is fully open, whose mind is functioning sharply and who is a through and through mature adult in their thoughts, words and actions.

They seek out this kind of person to provide the necessary influence and, if lucky a mentoring arrangement. No one who is serious believes that a book alone can change the incredibly ingrained habits and tendencies that form us. Information per se is aplenty on the art of changing oneself but real knowledge of how to change coupled with the instruction of someone who has already applied that knowledge successfully, is far rarer yet must be found.

We are never going to see the truth of ourselves without some outside help. You really need a friend who can point your weaknesses and contradictions out to you at the right time and to make it even more difficult they will need to say it in such a way that doesn't get your back up!

When we learn the truth about ourselves, discover those bad habits, bigoted opinions, ungrounded beliefs about life and what it takes to succeed, then we have no choice but to view ourselves as very ordinary. It's quite anticlimactic for the person who is used to the blossoming comments that fly out of 'camp awesome', 'you are wonderful, a world-beater, a superstar!'.

There's a wise saying, 'Hope alone is not a strategy for success'. If we think we are a superstar, or at least destined to be one in whatever field we are dreaming of, then we are basing our hope on something that is a pleasant fiction. It's the same chance as winning the lottery. You can't base your life on such a small probability when year after year you could be making real, steady progress towards realistic and laudable goals that will become reality.

However hope is so incredibly important too. Without it your life will lack strength and energy because there is nothing for you to live for. Hope gives your life meaning and purpose. Hope that you will achieve your goals. Hope that you will become the person you desire to become. Hope that you will find the perfect partner for you. Hope that your efforts in life and business will not be in vain. Depression, a ‘down face’, a lack of enthusiasm and general negative vibe are all signs of lack of hope so we must find it within ourselves and establish it if it’s not already there. It’s just the hope of wanting something for nothing that we have to hunt out and eliminate. That’s the kind of hope that is built on very uncertain ground.

In my experience, this is an extremely difficult attitude to cultivate. It seems counter intuitive to the ambitious goal statements that we are taught to produce yet it has worked and is working with me. My definition of success is paying off my home mortgage in 3 years. The money required to pay off that goal required a marked shift in my work ethic and attitude towards life and people.

If your guitar sits by your bed and you never practice, but you believe with all your heart that you are destined to be a rock star, if you have a collection of books or software on a topic you like but never read them or do any study yet believe you will be a learned professor in that field, if you have business idea after business idea but never implement any of them, yet believe you are a Richard Branson in your own way, then you are believing a lie.

Our world tells us that whatever our dream is, if we can believe it then we can achieve it. Has this worked for you? Chances are that you have had dreams that never made it to the next level, belief. If I have confidence I will achieve something then I will train and up-skill myself knowing that it will not be in vain. The precondition for belief is feasibility - something that my mentor, David Samuel, has taught me. There is nothing more powerful than a dream that is possible in the mind of the dreamer based on a sober consideration of their abilities and capacities. On the same token, there is nothing more de-powering than a dream that is without grounding, and merely seems like 'a nice thing to do' or because others are doing it.

My mentor says, "I can change what I am today into anything I want to be, but only if I know the truth of what I am today".

The truth is that I am a normal person and not a superstar therefore I will need to apply an appropriate number of years of steadily acquiring my goal.

When we can see the truth of ourselves without feeling sorry that we are not a prodigy, then we can get on with achieving our goals and leaving those who think they are god's gift to humanity far behind!